I feel like a big ass ocean with words and thoughts as waves. Except they never reach the shore.

No one knows the words and maybe I don’t know them either.

I ONLY want to do what makes me happy and what makes me feel GOOD.

The stress to be great, noticed, and different limits my creativity so much, which makes EVERYTHING WORSE FOR ME.

Praying for better. πŸ™πŸΎ

Back of the Bus and the Need for Rest

Why do I always go to the back of the bus?

Why am I comfortable here?

A lot of people are.

I think it may be because I’m alone and can observe everyone freely.

Anything but me being observed lol.

Well here I am again. In the back. Typing away. Being more consistent. You know, with my whole blogging thing.

Yesterday was a horrible day.

Thursday’s are for forgetting, and I surely forgot to refuse to have a bad day. I mean I tried.

It halfway worked. πŸ˜•

I realized it’s so important to rest, even when you’re not so sure you need to rest.

I came in from work and was left alone to babysit, I was hungry, realized there’s money missing out my checking account πŸ™„, sexually frustrated, and a bunch of other things. Ugh…

If I were mindful of my needs and the need to communicate with my sister, maybe I wouldn’t have had a mental breakdown and cried sitting on the toilet. I’m sure I wouldn’t have yelled at my little two year old nephew. (I’m sure a hyphen is supposed to go someplace there.)

Anywayyyyy… I wouldn’t have stayed in my work attire for 3 hours. I didn’t even sit down you guys. I’m just used to going, going, going.

Guess who made me feel better!

My nephew. Yeah, the one I yelled at…πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡ He’s an angel.

I took a shower, laid in bed, and took pics with him on Snapchat.

He loves the doggie filter.

I’m already having a better day today.

It’s really important to think ahead and prevent things from happening, if possible.

Friday’s are for getting things done. Complete what you haven’t. The weekend is here, folks. Enjoy πŸ˜‰

How do writers write everyday?

I guess they just start writing. Like I am now, as I’m on this RedLine train.

I have another job. Yay! I got fired in October…

I begged God for a break and prayed for a sign.

I felt stuck there. I loved the money and the weekly pay, but I wanted to work outside. I stated this everyday, and guess what?!

God gave me exactly what I asked for.

I mean I got fired from what I firmly believe was not at any fault of mine, but πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ.

My income was almost cut in half, but I’ve learned to budget even better.

From this experience I gained will power!

I realized my potential and how much money I wasted on a weekly basis.

I’ve also become more grounded.

I feel more connected to nature and I am ready to work harder than ever.

I’ve set clear goals. I’m ready to achieve all I want, and more!

By the way…Happy New Year!

In a MomentΒ 

Happy New Year!

I’m sure we all have a bunch of resolutions like EVERY year lol.

I hope this post touches and inspires some of you.


Everything changes in a moment.

Take a moment to think about this.

One minute, you feel a certain way, and sure, things build up to bigger things. But in reality, everything changes in a SINGLE moment.

There is a tremendous amount of power in KNOWING this. Even more power in UTILIZING it. If we can harness our power and change things for ourselves, we could do so much more.

There is a decision that must be made every single day.

To change or stay the same.

β€œLife is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

-Lao Tzu

And so, we have to be open to change. Embrace it. We do want to grow right? We want better, right?

Will we evolve or remain complacent?

We can change so much in a single moment.


Will we let fear get the best of us? Will we allow it to eat away at present and future blessings?

Or will we stand up, rise to the occasion and embrace change.

Peace is attainable. Happiness is attainable.

We must change our mind.

The thoughts we constantly tell ourselves, create our reality.

Change your thoughts! You can do that in a single moment.

New year. New changes.


Powerful Thinking, Powerful Thinking!

Hi, you guys!

Today I did something powerful. Remember me wanting to be a better woman? If you don’t remember, here you go.

Well, today I feel like I had a breakthrough, thanks to identifying my negative thought patterns. I mean I’m not acting like I’m healed, but I’m one step closer to figuring out this complex soul of mine.

My insecurities are my flaws. My insecurities are roots to my sadness.

If I learn to love myself unconditionally and genuinely, I believe I will be happier.

But everyone says that!! What does that meeaaan???? Here’s my opinion.

I need to experience life without being drawn to people because they make me feel less empty.

Or because they unknowingly play in my fantasy world I’ve created. In this world, I don’t have any of my “flaws.”

I’m not as sensitive, I’m not overweight, I’m more intelligent, I’m not as dark, I don’t live in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Chicago, I finished college… 😞

Blah blah blah.

I have been subconsciously looking for people to help mask the feelings of insecurity. And when they can’t?

Well, that’s another post.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. I’m committed to being better.


I used to hate the color blue.

Made me uncomfortable and I didn’t understand it.

I couldn’t feel it.

Now it means more to me than a color.

It’s a process. Sometimes a state of being.

A feeling at times.

It’s therapeutic. Calming.

And I desire more.

Every heart, every ocean, every word, everything.

Goes blue


Those nerves, those curves, my smile, my wings.

Will go blue


With the wind.

And that’ll turn blue too.

Your troubles, and mine. Someday they’ll all be blue…

Am I a Ruby?

I’m so fucking bored. Sometimes I just wanna jump in a lake… that’ll wake my ass up.

I feel like I’m watching the same documentaries over and over, just to pass time. I feel like I drink, just to be in another reality. I smoke out of habit…

What am I doing?

I’m not completely terrible. I work out, eat a rather healthy diet, meditate every other day, pray for my friends, but….

I feel so alone most nights.

And I feel this way ever since Marquis….

While I feel that I’m better now than I was then, I am still not satisfied with the woman I am.

I mean its great that I’m not dependent upon him like I was. I’ve learned to be comfortable being single. I don’t look to others for self-validation. All great things!

And yet, I’m me.

Doing ME things.

I see a pattern.

Why do I feel so alone?

I have a family.

Friends, too.

There are always men who want to get to know me.

I do not feel valued, though.

I feel like as though I am a ruby, unnoticed.

I guess I would feel better if I was forgotten, but I don’t even think I’ve been recognized.

So, am I really a ruby?

Am I as valuable and beautiful as I believe?

Why Me



Tossed away.

Like I’m nothing.

Like I never mattered in the first place.

Abandonment is a common feeling of mine.

Probably the most felt negative emotion of mine.

At the end of every relationship, I usually feel abandoned.

I even sometimes feel abandoned by my friends.

Which brings me to ask myself are they really my true friends?

Another post though!

Some other day.

Instead of dwelling in my pity, I thinks it’s a nice idea to make sure I’m not unknowingly making others feel abandoned.

I really think that might help me…