Eleven years ago I lost my virginity.

Instead of retelling that awkward, but liberating story, I’ve decided to think about what else was going on in my life at that time and think hard about it too.

I hope to learn something new about myself and answer the question: “does it matter how you lost your virginity?”

Let’s go.

Just some random facts first…

I was sixteen years old.

Lived with my mom, sister, brother, and stepdad.

We had just been returned home and were no longer wards of the state. My mom got all her parental rights back. She’s a champion. ❀️

I was in high school at the time and attended a Catholic school. I was beginning to question religion and actually had just stopped going to church, which was several times a week.

The irony.

I lived far from all of my friends. Even my best friend.

I talked to my big cousin Tiffany often though. Saw her several times a week. She lived like six blocks away. I told her all my stories. She told me hers. I think we lived through each other. Enjoyed each other.

I think that’s my #1!

I never thought much about how close we were. Oh man we had so many laughs and arguments.

So many embarrassing moments together. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ She had a baby and moved to Wisconsin last year. Imma go visit soon.

I didn’t realize how much I missed her. I know I’m dramatic, but She played an important role in my teenage life. Seriously.

Continuing on, some other things going on in my life at the time involved me getting up everyday at 5am for school. My commute was 2.5 hours each way.

This was the year of my sweet sixteen! πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€” Jesus Christ. I lied to the guy and told him I was 17 years old. 😫

Smh. He was twenty-two years old. I was confused a long time about what happened to me at such a young age. I mean I felt like I was grown, but I truly wasn’t.

I’ve now come to the conclusion that losing my virginity will always be a story I don’t want to tell because I have to face the reality that I was abused. AGAIN. 😞

I was underaged.

I said “no” softly a few times but I clearly didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I gave in eventually and even though overall it was a satisfying experience, I’ve always felt robbed because I didn’t put much thought into that important moment.

I think how you lose your virginity does matter. I think it shapes your view of the world you live in, your judgement of others, your sexual preferences, and a few other things.

It’s crucial to be aware of how you think. We limit ourselves with our own brains and live in a bubble we subconsciously create.

So, yes. It does matter. I mean everything before that matters too. I got a lot of reminiscing to do lol.

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