I’m so fucking bored. Sometimes I just wanna jump in a lake… that’ll wake my ass up.
I feel like I’m watching the same documentaries over and over, just to pass time. I feel like I drink, just to be in another reality. I smoke out of habit…
What am I doing?
I’m not completely terrible. I work out, eat a rather healthy diet, meditate every other day, pray for my friends, but….
I feel so alone most nights.
And I feel this way ever since Marquis….
While I feel that I’m better now than I was then, I am still not satisfied with the woman I am.
I mean its great that I’m not dependent upon him like I was. I’ve learned to be comfortable being single. I don’t look to others for self-validation. All great things!
And yet, I’m me.
Doing ME things.
I see a pattern.
Why do I feel so alone?
I have a family.
There are always men who want to get to know me.
I do not feel valued, though.
I feel like as though I am a ruby, unnoticed.
I guess I would feel better if I was forgotten, but I don’t even think I’ve been recognized.
So, am I really a ruby?
Am I as valuable and beautiful as I believe?